Losing Sleep.. A Quest To Understand Life

After my last few experiences I have come to believe that our dreams are our guides or mentors from another dimension. It is a gift from the cosmos that we often end up neglecting.

In discussions and talks with near and dear ones I was alwayd pointed out to be rigid in accepting that things change.

Nothing could prepare me for what was to come.

For the past quite a few months I didn't get a dream which could be trying to mentor me. I would often wonder had I lost the gift.

So the night before I went to bed thinking about the present, past, and the yet to come future.

I am in Agra at my Nani’s (maternal grandmother) house yet again. I am standing near her room. Suddenly I realize the house is on fire. 

Everything around is burning... Yet it is so calm..

Confused I ask Veena ( my wife) "Where is Aavanya (our daughter)". "She's gone upstairs to play with her cousin," she says, "why don't you quickly go get them down"

I rush upstairs. Aavanya is playing calmly with her toys when I ask her where is your brother... " He went with his mom... Papa " replying as a matter of fact with all the seriousness of a 5-year-old.

Everything around is burning... Yet it is so calm..

I pick her up and rush down. "Both of you get out of the house and be safe" I tell my wife. "I will go gather our belongings" .. I see her rushing outside the house. 

She is now in a safe place. I can't see her but something inside tells me she is fine. 

I am still trapped inside the house.

Everything around is burning... Yet it is so calm..

All alone in the house I rush to pack our belongings and now the fire begins to slowly circle around me.

Its intensity is increasing and now all around me is the fire

Everything around is burning... Yet it is so calm..

I am engulfed in the flames... I get up from my sleep

I am still very calm… Though still not clear what the dream was trying to tell me... 

A bit disheveled I start searching for answers and find out my answers in a web site that tells me "..a symbol for those who are still stuck in past.. ultimately the habit which is not harmful to occasionally engage in.. But too much of remaining in past .. could not only destroy the present .. but spoil the future... as well. "

A symbol of which was me engulfed in flames

I have got my answer... But I am not satisfied.

To those of you reading this... What's your take on this... If the past is beautiful what's wrong in cherishing the memory and wanting it to be a part of it forever. Does it really destroy our present and future? 

Do we learn something from here... Or wait and find out with time...?

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Losing Sleep.. A Quest To Understand Death

After my last post I was constantly consumed with the thought and concept of Death.

While I have accepted the fact that it is a destination to which we all are headed at our own individual speed.Others may travel with us but the last leg of the journey we need to make it alone.

No one has completed the journey and come back to tell us the tale about it.

So how do we begin to understand death?

I had no answer nothing could help me understand it. But, I have also learned the fact that the very longing we seek is always found inside us and not outside.

I am sitting by the sea on a serene beach, with the wind kissing my face like the love of my life, whose presence I can feel but she is not here with me

It's a beautiful sunny day. Besides me is Papa (My Father) along with my mother. "So, what have you been doing with your life" Papa asks me. "Doing good.."I tell him with a sense of pride ".. bought a house in Vasai Nallasopara". To which he asks, "Why did you go so far..." I smile and reply "Just like you Papa.. remember that's what people told you when you were buying a house in Borivali" He nods positively and again asks me, "What else have you been doing" "I bought a Car... Maruti one.. Just like you. I remember when you were there.. you would always talk about Maruti Cars"

"When I was there... Hmmm" he says and then suddenly he fades away with the breeze

I wake up and realize that it was a dream all along but I am now smiling because the answer to my question has been revealed to me.

I now truly believe that people never die, even when they are away from us physically, they just transcend to another level. A level where you and I cannot travel. They are around us radiating the positive energy which they did when they were physically next to us. That is why sometimes when we talk of guardian angel or GOD watching over us its actually our loved ones who are watching and protecting us. So what is death? Death in my learning is when we talk of them as gone away from us, the soul feels its no longer needed and surrenders to the creator and is ready to go to the next level ... which could be whatever you like.. heaven, salvation.

Probably come back to us in another form called reincarnation Sometimes when we see the same nature in our descendants... I get that feeling..  Don't you feel so too..

Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

Ciao.... Never say Never

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Losing Sleep.. A Travel With No Regrets

I am traveling on a train headed to a destination I know nothing of. I am accompanied in my journey by my wife and my little one.

As the train slowly pulls to stop towards a station, Unknown but there is something familiar about it.

Suddenly I notice Papa (My Father) sitting on one of the benches with my mother. I am so happy to see him. I wave to him "Papa Idhar Aao" (Papa Come Here) just like my daughter calls me. I want him to come meet my family.. my wife.. my daughter.. his bahu (daughter in law) and poti (granddaughter). But he doesn't seem to be listening. 

I want to get down but with my daughter sitting beside me. I can't seem to get up. 

I wave to my mother as well trying to get her attention. But she doesn't realize it.

Suddenly my father turns his head, and looks towards us and gives a big smile which he always did and waves to me. I smile back and he begins to turn his head back again to whatever he was doing. 

I can now see the older form of him with wrinkles and dark circles under his eyes and realize that I will never see him again.

I decide to get off the train, suddenly everything begins to fade to black and I wake up.

I wake up crying, not able to understand what the dream meant and my wife tries to console me but no avail. Somehow, I console myself and arrive at work

Towards the evening, I suddenly realize what the dream was probably trying to tell me. 

Maybe the station was symbolic of life. My father had completed his journey of life. So he was sitting relaxed at the station. I traveling in a train approaching the station was maybe my journey in still in progress and I had to go further. 

I could not get off at the station,  I could not abruptly end my journey. I had responsibilities to take care of, which manifested itself in form of my daughter sitting beside me.

Still, I will miss you all my life, Papa !! Ciao .. till we meet again. May the force be with you.

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